Sticky Spot on the Floor

Real

I have written so many posts on this blog and deleted them. People say oh your so funny just post the funny stuff. I do have lots of funny things to share. However the last year of my life I have slowly been piecing together a very broken me. I have always been broken. Many things happened to me as a child that I suppressed and kept secret. Why? Because I couldn't believe that someone could like or even love a person so damaged. I really thought my life had to look/be perfect for people to want to be my friend. I've want to protect my children from knowing that maybe their grandparents were less than perfect. Well I decided that I will do my best to share how God has began to put this shattered me back together again. The most amazing part is that expected Him to make into what I was. (Not that I knew what that was). But instead God is making me a new creation. I know we have all seen the bumper sticker with the butterfly. However, its only been the last few months that I have learned what that really means. If you've come here to read about some super mom of three kids. You've come to the wrong place. That cape is now three sizes to small. Last time I wore it I got it caught in the car door trying to shove, oops I mean gently place an unwilling toddler in her car seat. All the while thinking of that lady who got caught on camera spanking her kids in the parking lot. It probably still has stains from spit up and the occasionally diaper blow out in the middle of Target when I just had to get one more thing. I do try to be the best mom I can. However, my kids call me WME. Worst Mom Ever. It's our joke. It's because they know I love them. I find it a privilege and an honor that God chose me to be their mom. So heres to being real, more transparent, learning to give and receive grace...

 

So I'm feeling some blog posts in the near future. Just firing this thing back up. These are mom, God, wife, and life kinda posts. Not for everyones liking. Far warning..... Stay tuned if I'm still on anyones reader. If not, I sometimes like hearing myself talk. Anyways it will be fun to come back and read this in 20 years and say how dumb I was!!!

So many spots on the floor..

It's been so long since I've blogged I don't know where to start. So many things have happened over the last 83585 months. I've played the same phrase in my head over and over, "I get knocked down, but I get up again. No, you're never gonna keep me down. " Weird song, but the anthem of my life. Not sure where I'm going to go with the blog thing. Just felt like stopping in and seeing if anyone was still here. I've grown and learned so very much. I'm continuing to learn about friendship and how extremly  joyful and so very painful it can be. I think I may start with cleaning that spot for now.....

On a Serious Note.

Every feel like you were being pulled to do something? Like random people keep telling you variations of the same thing. This has been happening to me for a little over a year now. Not sure what to do with it. As I'm venturing into late 30 somethings.... What is my purpose has haunted me for a long time. I've come to the conclusion I don't have any ONE purpose! I've had several. The past few years I really worked at being a Full Time mom. Hear me right, not stay at home mom, FULL TIME MOM. Pouring into and investing in my 3 kids like it's a career, not about doing the dishes. That will not change. However, I've got a story. We all have a story. I just have your not so typical childhood growing up story. I have come to a point in life where I can't believe God would have allowed me to encounter these events if it were not to further his kingdom is some way. So for those of you still reading, I'm putting myself out there in saying, please pray for me. Pray as I decided how transparent I will be in sharing my life story with others. Is that what God whats? What will it look like? Thanks my faithful 3 readers.

Mom Fail

Today I was supposed to take cupcakes to Macey's school at 2:00 for her birthday. No problem. Cupcakes made and sitting in the fridge. Just what she ordered Vanilla with chocolate frosting, white sugar crystals and cursive "M" piped on top. I decide to do a quick errand at the mall. Well everything was perfect. We were walking toward the door at 1:30. Perfect time to get home, grab the cupcakes and get to school. And then those 7 words every mom dreads....."I have to go to the bathroom." Ok I think. Upstairs to Nordstrom bathroom then we will still make it. NOPE! She no sooner sat down until I knew this was not a 5 minute stop.... Ugh we ran for the door, I flew to the car. I SPED up the hill. Got a text from a friend that said "You just passed us" Of course I did. Because I never see you and now that I'm a crazy driver I'd see ya. Ran in the house grabbed the cupcakes, ran to the car. It's almost dismissal and the car line is huge. I pull to the side of the road, park and RUN with cupcakes and a 5 year old down the street all the way to the classroom. I didn't make it. Macey's teacher was there and she had just dismissed the class. She said they sang to her and she gave her hug and told her I probably got stuck in traffic. Mom fail.  I went to find her and there was disappointment all over her face. I now understand why the oldest child has a hard time with the youngest. They have ways of controlling our life. Her teacher said we could celebrate on Monday. But still wha wha wha.

Busy

That's an understatement. Between soccer, gymnastics, BMX, and 4-H we no longer have a free week night. I'm a stay at home mom. I love it. I have given up a teaching career to make a career out of raising our kids. With the economy dive I feel like I'm a dying breed. So few of us left. What I find most interesting is that few moms want to stay home.  It's not "easy" like I thought it would be.  I really miss working. Truth be told I wold love to go back into teaching. Mostly because I'd like to work now that I no longer have a preschooler. Teaching is pretty much my only skill and it also matches the kids lives so I still get to be with them. What becomes increasing difficult is self esteem. It sometimes feels it is no longer cool to be a stay at home mom. Now sometimes when I say it some people reactions are somewhere in the realm of pity. Like I can't get a job or I have no skills. I'm obviously speaking very generally. I have friends who still stay at home. I also have friends who work and respect my choice as I respect theirs. My question is how long will the rift between stay at home or working moms continue? When do we come to a point that just like kids, we agree that what works for one family doesn't work for all. In the continued pursuit to be the best at everything, it seems that one must be better than the other. I don't think so. I think there are positives and negatives to both. I think each of us must do what's best for our family and fianaces at the given moment. So why do moms keep thinking that their way is the only way and also the best? Ok now it's your turn go.....

Name change

So I changed the name of my blog. Mostly because life seems to be just that, a never ending sticky spot on the floor. You know the one. Every time you clean the tile, it never fails that a mysterious sticky spot of something magically appears. No one ever did it. No one else will clean it up. Just the minute you do, wa la, another one will appear. Seems like how my life goes. Every time I "clean up" one situation in life. Kaboom another one appears. Once I get one child on track, one of the others has issues. Seriously. So my hope is that I will once again USE this blog. I think of it often. With all the kids now and school I'm hoping I will be able to share all my sticky spots......

A Dunk Bag?

  So I get to spend this weekend with my oldest. She is in Girl Scouts and this weekend we are camping out in tents! I first asked if I could bring my motorhome. The answer was more of a look than words really. I do not remember the last time I slept in a tent. Could be when I was a kid and slept outside with my dad on a camping trip. That night I woke up with ants crawling in my nose. No, wait it was the time I camped out in high school at the fair in Indio. It rained. Not a sprinkle but a DOWNPOUR!!! The tent collapsed form the weight of the water. The next year my parents rented me a motel room. Anyway, as you can see "tent" camping has not gone well. However, I'm not gonna pass up the chance to spend time with her just the two of us. Ok, but the part I'm most disturb by is the "dunk bag". We each need a mesh bag with a plate, bowl, cup, and silverware. Then, after we eat, we dunk the bag in a series of three tubs. Am I the only one who finds this less than thoroughly hygienic? They said it because the Girl Scout way is to leave no trace. I say I'll use paper plates and take the trash with me. There is no trace right? Let us hope there isn't any gastrointestinal traces left around from food poising.  Anyway, can't wait to spend the time with my girl!

Low carb

I'm trying out the low card thing. I didn't think it would be hard. I mean meat and cheese right? Um it's a wee bit harder than I anticipated. And by wee bit I mean COLOSSAL! I didn't realize how many things have carbs and lots of them. Praying for self control and disciple. I'll keep ya posted....

I'm not that mom.

So school drop if is interesting. There are a few different categories of moms. Their is the working mom. She is dressed up either in a uniform or and cute slack or pencil skirt number. Make-up and hair complete. On the opposite end we have stay at home moms. They come in more varieties. First is pajama mom. She is well wearing pjs, hair in a pony or hat and make up can't be found. Then there is the mom who looks like she could have a really cool job. She wears jeans but has on a cute little cardigan, accessories to match, make up and hair is perfect. Right in the middle is me. I'm the mom who got out of their jammies and put on jeans. I've got a Roxy t-shirt that hopeful is free from pit stains. There is usually some kind of make up involved. I would like to think that you could be mistaken for all together mom that has on the cardigan. However, here is how you know the difference. On the rare occasion that you spend more time in the mirror and the make up looks complete. You had time to accessorize and wear something other than a t-shirt. People keep saying, "Wow, you look nice. What do you have going on today?" The only response you've got is, "Um I guess I had time to shower. Ha ha....."