The Tibbetts Five

I want to blog

I do. I think about posts all the time. Then when I sit down to type I change my mind or I don't know what to say. I have so much to be thankful for. Yet, I also feel very numb at times. I'm excited about summer, and friendships. I'm trying to purge our house of excess. I also what to do some home maintenance and decorating this summer. So I realize this is all over the place, but that seems to be these days.

Missing my parents

Today I really miss my parents. They had a way of just making things happen. I know this will sound like a spoiled brat, but I didn't hear no very often growing up. Now this made some hard lessons as an adult. But it's true. Dad would always say. let see and then it almost always came to be. After my dad died, my mom took on that roll with my kids. So now as I continue to learn that sometimes the answer is no. I remember that sometimes it can also be not yet. Regardless, I miss them for so many other reasons. This was just the one I was felling at 6 am this morning....

Hello, it me....

Ok I fell of the blog planet for awhile. I'm hoping to get back in the swing of thing. Lots has been happening in the Tibbetts house. More on that later. First I want to catch up on the business.

Macey has been busy with Girl Scouts and loves it...
  Camping at Easter..
Easter with my family....Will's field trip...Father daughter dance....   More to come...

a miracle

So I've noticed latly that God usally doesn't answer my prayers until the "11th hour". Or at least that's what it feels like.I don't think it is because I'm learning patience although I'm definitely learning it. I think it's because if He did it any sooner I think it was me and and not give him the proper glory and credit He deserves. Just an observation while I'm out here floating waiting for the tide to take me back to shore......

Buoy

That's what I feel like most days, a buoy. I float out in the ocean, lots of people see me. A few fish come by now and then. Sometimes a huge wave comes crashing down causing me to fight to reach the top or stabilize in the water. A few things are constant I'm always here floating up and down with the current. I can do nothing to control what happens around me or the next direction my life takes. Only my Maker who put me here can. It's His plan and His ocean. He brings people into my life and takes them out. He determines how long I stay in this spot and when He will move me. He controls the wind and the waves. I blogged before about peaks and valleys. Don't fell like I'm climbing a mountain anymore. I felt in control of thing then. Like I was the one climbing the mountain with Jesus right next to me. Now I feel like I have no control. There is nothing I can do to change my current situation. I will just wait until the Lord changes the current. Until then I'm just out here ....floating.......

How are you doing?

I get asked this ALOT lately.  Truth is it changes day to day sometimes moment to moment. So my usual answer is "ok". Because I am. I'm just ok. I miss my mom. I miss so many things about her. I still haven't figured out what our lives look like without her. I hurt for my kids who are really beginning to miss her. I miss her cooking, her laugh, her millions of phone call. I even miss the way she would ring the door bell like 10 times whenever she came over, always might I add, unannounced. I have not kicked the feeling that this is a terrible mistake and she is going to walk through my front door and the kids will run to hug her like always. Ugg this sucks. So I'm thinking ok is good. It has been 1 month. Some people would say I should be feeling better now. I'm not. I'm just ok.......

A new day

Ok so here it is. We are pretty broke. Bill's down about 40-50% in pay from 2 years ago. So I'm sitting here unable to shop thinking how can I make some $$$.I was a teacher. We all know there are not any of those jobs right now. My resumes are being turned in, but I'm just not counting on it. Anyway, I'm thinking I got to be good at something else right? I am. Believe it or not I can bake, I can sew, well embroider, and I can scrapbook. I have and embroidering machine sitting in my closet just waiting for me. I have boxes of scrapbooking stickers and papers in my garage. And an un-named friend gained 7 pounds from the birthday cake I made  a few weeks ago. I know that is the present you would want, but it means the cake was good right? So that's it. I'm going try to make some extra $$$ doing the stuff I'm good at. I'll update you as I'm in the dreaming phases of this. Oh, and if you think of it pray about this. I'm excited.

Is wondering

How long will it be before is stop thinking every time the phone rings or someone sets their car alarm outside my house is its my mom. And then my next thought is reality. I miss my mom.........

On a lighter note...

Welcome to the world of a very imaginative 4 year old. As most of you know Daley has had an imaginary "bowfriend" named Derick. Well yesterday she went out to coffee (the back yard) with him. Than she came in and said Cinderella was going to take her to a coffee place called California. I later found out Cinderella is a boy. She went on two more date yesterday, one with Hot Tea and another with Hot Water. She is my sunshine and one of 4 reasons I get up everyday. I just never know what the day may bring.

Today's thoughts

Words.This being the third time I've gone through this I have learned much about the grief process I wish I didn't know. A big part is people have no idea what to say. Really it doesn't matter what anyone says because nothing can "fix" it or make me feel better. One thing that I know I don't like is the term, "We lost my ......" My Mom, dad, sister is not lost.  I know exactly where they are. Whenever I miss them I try to think of it like they moved. Moved to paradise. They are so happy. Will said yesterday he wants to be rich enough to build stairs to Heaven so he can visit. The truth is if that were even possible we wouldn't visit. We would move there too. Never wanting to come back. If you knew my sister you know that when we get there she is going to rub it in that she got 8 years with just dad and now she has both of them all to herself. So now I say "They are with the Lord" or "Passed on" not away but on.